His Grace, Love and Mercy

posted by Jan

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Last night was aweful.

Peter and I were invited for dinner by friends last night. they wanted to take us for Chinese food. But since my tummy and chinese food don't go along well together, Peter suggested Black Canyon - nice Thai food they have. So we went there. Ordered some nice Thai food and black mocha something.

Peter sent us home after dinner... he had a meeting to attend with. The wife came with me since the husband was also going to attend the meeting. The wife is Filipino by the way, married to Malaysian Chinese. The wife speaks English to me even when we're alone together... which I find very awkward. I understand if we're with our husbands. It would be rude to speak in our own language and other people who don't understand it are listening... but to think that we're speaking English with each other while alone... sounded very awkward to me. Last time, I tried speaking to her in Cebuano/Tagalog coz she's from Davao... but she kept talking to me in English. So I started talking to her in English too. But I haven't gotten used to it yet. It really felt so awkward.

Anyways, while driving home, Schenker fell asleep in the car. So we had to carry him in. He didn't wake up until one hour later. But the moment he woke up, he started looking for his daddy. I want to see daddy, mommy. I told him we don't have to car to go to the office coz daddy is using the car... and besides, even if we have a car, mommy won't be able to drive. But he kept insisting on seeing his daddy... and cried and screamed and cried and screamed. because of this, samantha got the spirit too... and started crying... and screaming. It has stressed me so much, knowing that I have a guest in the house. I tried keeping my cool... but the stress was there.

I started feeling sick in my tummy. I didn't whether it's because of the food or the stress in hearing the two kids cry at the same time. This situation was really hard. I think this was the hardest so far in having two kids. There's no consolation for Schenker and Samantha cried coz her brother was crying. I cannot carry two babies. The boy was asking me to carry him and everytime I put samantha down, she would stop crying and start screaming! Awful night indeed.

I went upstairs... carried two of them while sitting on the bed... the sick feeling was getting intensed so i started praying for God's grace and strength. Comfort and peace for our boy... I almost cried. But after praying, Samantha calmed down a bit. And when I put her back in her cot, she doidn't cry... and she went to sleep straight away. Thank God!

I carried the boy downstairs and just when I couldn't hold the sick feeling anymore... Peter arrived home!

I went to the bathroom and threw up everything I ate. It felt really awful. Anyways... it always does me good every time I throw up when I feel sick.

In times like this... when I turn to God.. He doesn't fail me. He's always there to answer my prayer and comfort me... giving me strength. I admit... I fail so many times... dunno what to do... feeling very weak and helpless... but everytime i turn to Him... He's always by my side. I can only depend and trust in Him who gives me strength and wisdom... and loves me unconditionally.

Awful night indeed but in times like this... this is when I experience His grace and mercy... and love.