Archive for July 2007

Forgive Me Lord

posted by Jan

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He was lying down on the bed... his hands and his feet were tied up to the bed. His body trembled. He was in a delirious state... He uttered his supposed to be "last few words." Then he (his soul) started soaring, and saw his body strapped down on the bed, with all the tubes connected to the different parts of his body.

He looked intently on his own body and wondered where he was going. am i going to heaven? am i going to hell? Then suddenly he saw people in a place so bloodcurdling... a place where human souls were being tormented... people suffering in agony... he saw dreadful, horrifying creatures, cutting up people's souls, dipping them in a super hot water... then they assemble the body parts again... and just when he thought it was all over, the cutting started all over again. Eternal agony, eternal torturing...the creatures were much uglier than what you see in horror movies... worse than you could ever imagine. They were beyond description.. beyond human imagination... unexplainable kind of ugliness ... scary, nasty and horrible creatures...
The place had different sections. There were sections where they cut up the souls; sections where they threw the souls in the burning hot water and fire; sections where they eat up the cut souls... and sections where they assemble the cut souls again. And everytime this fire-clad guy passes by, everybody would bow down in fear and do worse job because he loved to hear these souls screaming in agony. Could this be hell?

Suddenly, from a distance, he saw another place, in a complete contradiction to the place he was looking at just now. Then he saw a man so beautiful, the hair was as beautiful as the waves of the ocean... clasping his golden hands together. The place where he was standing at was awesome... beyond description... unfathomably beautiful... He stood in awe as he looked at the place. There was no exact words he could use to describe how beautiful the place was. Tranquility and serenity encompassed him. Could this be heaven?

Suddenly, the man so beautiful uttered some words to him. Matthew, it's time for you to go. Then he found himself strapped on the bed.He has gone back to life! He was strapped coz he was so delirious. He actually died for 10 minutes... He had gone to see the hell, gone to see the heaven.

Matthew is an 18 year old guy who is suffering from cancer in lymphoma and brain tumor, both on the 4th stage. He has undergone sessions and sessions of radiotherapy, chemotherapy, bone marrow test, etc. Matthew is a friend of Peter's cousin, Thushani, who is also suffering from lymphoma cancer, fourth stage.

Matthew was born Christian.. but somewhere along the way, he got swayed by the temptations of life... succumbed to the ways carnal... chanting... inviting spirits not of God's... practised witchcraft, spiritual healing not of God's. At an early age, he wanted so many things so carnal he could do anything to get what he wanted in life. He wanted to be rich, to have a nice car, big house... you name it! That's why he did so many things that were displeasing to His eyes. He became wild, ran out of God's boundaries... ran out of God's love. But the Word of God says: Nothing can separate us from the love of God. God will definitely use whatever it takes to bring us back to Him... not even one's own life can hinder Him to do that. God has to take Matthew's life away in order to bring him back to Him again.
Matthew must have a special mission in life. For when he was formed in His mother's womb, God knew him already. And God had a plan for him. Not everybody can die and come back to life again, aint it? When he was on his supposed to be "death bed", gasping for breath, he remembered God and so his supposed to be "last words" were: God, forgive me... Amen. When he said amen, that's when he closed his eyes, and went to see hell and heaven.
Now, he's alive! I got a chance to talk to him. One-on-one. When Thushani said she was coming with a friend who's also got cancer, I thought... cool.. then probably God could use me to encourage both of them.
It's the other way around.
I was the one who got so encouraged ( or maybe convicted?). Sometimes, as Christians, we become so complacent in our walk in the Lord. We become so selfish that when God calls us to do some thing, we ask Him. Is it safe Lord? Will I have enough provision? Will I have enough friends to be with me... will You do this Lord? Will You do that? What about my passion Lord? I love fashion! I love trendy clothes... What about this, what about that? Conviction hit me. I ask God's forgiveness. Please Lord, forgive me.
Then there's this reaching-out-to-the-lost mission. Sometimes we are so focused on ourselves that we forget what we are here for. As workers of the Lord, we are here to do our part in finishing His task. How nice it would be to see our "inheritance in the Lord" worshipping Him with us, glorifying His name forever and ever.
LORD... Forgive me!

Matthew is still suffering from cancer. He's still undergoing chemotherapy. Please join me in prayer for Him. That during this time of treatment, God will continue to strengthen him. He mentioned once that everytime he goes for chemo it is so painful and what makes it worse is he has to be under chemo for 24 hours! For 24 hours he'd be in pain. Please let's lift him up to the Lord. Also, let's pray that God will use this life-changing experience to touch other people's lives... that whoever hears his testimony will repent in his carnal ways and turn to God. Life is short. Heaven is eternal.
Matthew said: If I die now, I don't fear death anymore for I am sure I'm destined to be with my God. And right now, what matters most in my life is not what I want... but what He wants for me to be, and what He wants for me to do.
Forgive me Lord.


posted by Jan

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what a joker day.

we went to church to sunday morning. i had a very good morning coz i slept early the night before. once again, appreciated the morning breeze. really relaxing and invigorating.

went inside the cradle roll class room, smiled and talked to mommies and their babies. the guitar man was strumming his guitar, practising for the morning songs. suddenly, i heared the song he was playing... quite familair, i thought. then it hit me... he was playing the "anak" song by freddie aguilar! hahahha! he must be trying to guess which nationality i was... so when he played that music, i looked at him and gave him the special smile. he smiled back. but i couldn't really look at him... coz tears wanna roll down my eyes already. (i didn't realize i missed home this much). so i looked in another direction, pretending not to care. then he stopped strumming. he probably thought i wasn't that interested when he played that one.

anyways, after the service, i took peter out for brunch (i got a love gift and everytime i do, i make sure i celebrate with my family -thanksgiving to God for His provision) in Summit. We went to Swiss Gourmet. Heard from the Besters they had a good food. When we were about to enter the cafe, i heard the same tune again. the song was in english version and this time, my eyes got really red again. of course, i didn't want peter to notice it.. so i just went inside and sat on the chair quietly. the waitress came and asked us what we wanna order. while she was talking i noticed the accent sounded familiar! and guess what... she's a Filipino. Hahaha! I had a little chitchat with her, asking how long she has been here... blah blah... and she left.

the next thing i heard, the song was playing again.. and this time, in tagalog version already!
hmmmm... what's it all about ah? how come i have to hear this same music over and over again on the same day?

anyways... probably i am already very excited because we plan to go back to the Philippines next year for a visit...

ok lah.. need to write a story. good night!

A Wedding and a Funeral

posted by Jan

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We had a very interesting weekend. Attended a wedding on Saturday, and a memorial service tonight, Sunday.

Both event brought tears to my eyes. Both events made me reflect on my own life. In one event, 2 persons had to leave their own families to be together as one . In another event, one has left his own family to be toegether with his loved One. Two different events... and yet both were very emotional. Sad, and yet happy. Leaving other people behind, and yet meeting the one (The One) who's very important.

The Wedding:

Weddings always make me very emotional. Every time I see a bride walking down the aisle, I can't help but tears will just roll down from my eyes. I dunno why... but for me, this is the most special part in weddings (not that the broom-can-kiss-his-bride part is not important). The part in which the father takes the bride to her groom, turning her over to him... and the broom in turn takes the bride and the vows begin. I think in all weddings that I have gone to... whenever the bride started walking the aisle... I get very teary eyed. Probably because I am a one romantic person and I think this is the most romantic part in a relationship... that finally, both people in love begin a life journey together as one. And every thing changes. You're no longer twain but one.

Good thing I didn't get emotional on my own wedding. Hehehe. Well, I couldn't see myself walking down the aisle that's why... and that's a good thing. Hahaha. But mind you, every time I see my wedding video... that part where I was walking down the aisle with y papa... although I have seen the video for like 50,000 times, I would still get very emotional.

And so, the latest one I saw was Ben's and Kat's wedding (in Holiday Villa, Subang Jaya). Ben is Ptr Donald's oldest son. He was so dashingly handsome... and during the reception, he surprised his bride by singing "I Will Be Here". Once again I got teary eyed. Sigghhhh. Also, his sister Beth sang... her voice was so lovely... and awesome. I said this to her after she sang... and I'm gonna say it here again. Her singing made my hair rose. Hehehe. Really true. She's a fantastic singer. The husband, Andrew, played the guitar. Lovely couple.

Twas Samantha's first time to attend a wedding (will write it in her online journal later).

Then tonight, we attended a memorial service.

It was very emotional (that's understandable and I think I don't have to explain why). Dr. Koh died in his old age... and I could say... he had truly left a legacy. He was one (of the two) founders of FGA (Full Gospel Assembly), the church where we go to. They started the fellowship in his house on 1979. Little did he know that... that small fellowship would grow into a huge church (of 8,000+ members) today. I was so blessed by his humility in his service to the Lord. Although I really dunno him that much... but I could see him in church every Sunday.
There were things said during his eoulogy to describe what and who he was. All I could remember were: he had a gift of hospitaly, he's got an un-assuming (this is a one hard work to achieve - to be un assuming) and unpretentious personality, and have a great humility. A role model to everybody...

Hmmmm.. that helped me to thinking... I wonder what will people say in my eulogy. Hahaha...

In my previous blog, I wrote something about me being perfected by His grace and love in His time and all I could say that now, I'm far from being perfect. Way too far. Soooo imperfect. But of course, I know that I am still in the mold... and He's got a lot of work to do still.

I remember once in our weekly devotions (led by Peter) and our topic was... " what would people say about us on our funeral". such tricky and very reflective question. Others answered and told everybody about their qualities... and when my turn came... I couldn't say anything about me... and I remember saying... maybe people would say something like this: "truly... God's grace was on her." Oh well...